I met up with a friend yesterday, the third day into the New Year to chat.  He had time, as I in between my writing.  I decided to venture over, despite still having work to complete (but I really can write forever), especially after having spent 16 hours in front of the computer.  Breaks are sometimes seen as a deterrance to do the work needed, but my fingers needed a break, besides the mind.  I usually like to plan things, but I realized spontaneity sometimes is key to finding different answers to the questions on your mind at the time.  Like a coincidence.  A chance to view from another perpspective.  And timing couldn't be better.

I find that this one friend of mine is quite the "teacher".  My jarring lessons I grasp come immediately and is sensed in his first "bomb" reaction to a simple answer to his "Are you done work yet?"  In my artistic, passionate and workaholic side, "I can work forever", instead is taken as a jab.  And he asks again.  As if we had already made plans!!  I reframe my mind for this person and quickly lay true to my feelings since, the truth is essential.  I again repeat my truest answer followed by, "why do you ask?"  Again, the shortness.  I don't understand his shortness towards me.  I have learned to answer with truths.  Ask, my friend, of what you would like from me - time? Then ask of it.  Since I have not heard from him in awhile and the Holidays were mentally stimulating as it was, I was not prepared to receive this shot.  Needless to say, I let this one go over... again.  And my body is jarred from his simple yet piercing question.  I try not to let it bother me as I saved my work on my laptop, left my glass of wine for me to finish later and proceeded to have a quick gander at my disheveled reflection in the mirror before I head out.  No makeup, jeans and my fitted warm fleece zipup.  I was not my usual "glammed" look, as my girlfriends would call it.  Working all day and then to put makeup on later in the night was not something I wanted to indulge in at the moment.  Besides, this was my friend that I've known for some time - but, really?  I don't think so.   He was my first client and friend when I first moved here to the West from the Prairies.  He moved away for 6 years and reappeared just 5 years ago.  Did I know him?  He is quite the walled up guy as unemotional he can be with exposing his heart.  We've all had hearts broken before!

I was comfortable with who I was to look the way I did.  All the times I did get dressed up, I wasn't complimented, so I felt that it didn't matter.  Besides, I didn't want any "different thoughts" going on.  I wanted to know my friend, once again.  And hope that it transpires to a deeper conversational aspect than the usual surface stuff of schedule and people.  It is in the hearts of people that support who we are in the course of our life.  I'll need to remember that we are each part of the people who can influence greatly upon others.

Any emotional aspect of his Self was avoided at all costs and the perennial questions of "what's new?" rang continually through the night.  "What else is new?"  I really felt like one of his clients he talks to everyday.  With the proverbial one or three word responses after my long but inspiring depiction of spending the Holidays with people other than family, and how changing one life through inspiring words can alter the course of their life and journey.  Pretty deep if you might say.  Although, for some reason I was not satisfied with the response of "Good" after all this.  Actually I felt quite uncomfortable.  My friendship was something that wasn't taking its right course, becasue this person has been so accustomed to tuning out some of life's daily conversations with others and expressing of Self wasn't coming through with me.  What kind of Influence am I to not be able to connect with this one friend of mine?   I ran through my head all the conversations I've had with close friends in the last little while and realized that for the most part, each party walked away with great and inspiring thoughts and words that allowed us to realize the Greatness in the expressions of ourselves and to be authentic was a gift.  For each moment was an opportunity to teach us something about ourselves and each other as human beings and spiritual beings for that matter.  

I looked back at my friend, and didn't say anything.  Was this the person that I thought so highly of?  That I even have a crush on?  I felt so small and not MY Greatness**.  Each time that I bring this up, he can be indignant, even judgemental.  Projecting these feelings of "lack" to me in the sense as if it was mine.  If it was mine, I can at least make the necessary steps to bring myself to awareness of this.  But I felt more sorry for him than I was mad.  For I could see he wasn't open to hearing anything that would be of a deeper emotional area he could be in.  And reality is, that he does not even want to go there...at all.  Even asking about his parents great relationship was not something to be broached.  What do you do?  I think I wrack my brain for the most part as to how I can help this one friend of mine. 

I have to say, that in that conversation (where I talked 97.5% of the time) there was an inkling of intrigue, sparkle in his eyes in relation to the story about "opening the eyes of a tradionalist Jewish woman".  Changing the course of life in one person by the simplest act of kindness and openness.  How the energies from this alone transformed me and this woman's view on being open and authentic, even though our time together was spent hanging holiday ornaments. haha I held on to the belief of an open heart, kind words and joyful thoughts to bring transformation to most any situations,  and most they do.  I left with satisfaction and warmth as I'm sure she did too along with the fashion tips and store locations to some of the great fashion finds!  Lots of great amazing stories appeared after this grand experiment of mine.  I think I'll continue this experiment :)  Hence, this friend of mine is part of this grand experiment, although he is a Grander one.  One that is cherished as much as it is a pain sometimes, for really, he reminds me totally of my little brother in his character!

When I look at the depth of relationships I have with my other friends, I am brought to the great satisfaction of knowing that I contribute positively not only to their lives but to ones around them.  As the same great energies of life bring me knowledge through others, I appreciate each and every one of them and they DO know how they have contributed to my life, especially the Great lesson of 2005!  I am humbled to know of the path I allowed and surrendered to last year, some of the Great life lessons were presented to me in an altruistic fashion.  By allowing the tragicness of the event & feelings to course through me and for me to delve into them with faith.  For when that happened along with Intent, I was ready for the great path to lead me to where I needed to go. 

Relinquish control over matters that you have no control over, and know that everything is happening as it should be.

I did enjoy the night although the tickle fight was unexpected.  Then later as I thought about it, it was probably a way for him to release happy endorphins without having to express through words, but laughter.  And I might add that him singing in the shower before we continued the night was the cutest thing. (working all day and quickly preparing dinner without a cleanup of himself was unusual, hence the shower).   Again, expression of Self to me was hard, but finding his Lightness in expression made me realize that we all have our expressions and allowed to be expressed when time is right. 

I think this one friend of mine is a constant teacher, or just a plain old pain in the side.  I try to leave with better feelings than when I left.  I try to leave with inspiring thoughts in my head as well as theirs.  Go figure.  In this life, the love I thought is not, especially when you step back and view your Self and others in these moments.  So the path continues.




**Greatness is in All people.  The expression of your Highest Self, in the most Authentic manner.

 

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